Friday, February 22, 2013

Things I forgot about pregnancy #2

Hello there insomnia! How have you been, old friend? I forgot about our standing 4:00 am date, starting from about the halfway point of pregnancy until the bitter end. I must say, in spite of all the time we've spent together I'm not that happy to see you. I try tossing and turning for at least an hour, I move to the guest room to avoid you. And to let The Husband keep sleeping. Because that doesn't make me bitter at all.

But wherever I go, there you are. Just like whatever the fuck Brad Pitt is on about in that creepy Chanel commercial.

The helpful sites remind me that it's perfectly normal to encounter you in pregnancy. All of the irritating things about pregnancy are normal. They offer suggestions like nature sounds and warm milk as a remedy. Whoever writes that shit is clearly unaware that warm milk is revolting and nature sounds when one is trying to sleep are incredibly annoying. If I wanted to commune with the great outdoors I'd go camping. Except that my idea of camping is a hotel with less than four stars.

Anyway... Insomnia, it sucks to see you again. I'm tired beyond belief and the little person who doesn't kick me repeatedly from the inside will be up soon, clamouring for food. And I can't even douse myself in caffeine to counteract your effects. You know what, insomnia? I've known you forever, and I still think you're a bitch.

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