Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Things I Did Elsewhere: Week 5 Recap

So I'm two days late with an update of what I've been up to elsewhere. I should take the issue of blown deadlines up with the boss of this here blog. Oh... I'd blame it on laziness, but in my defense I've been a little busy with treatments and a sick little girl. And then there was the mountain of laundry in the aftermath of the sick little girl. Good times!

I didn't get around to posting anything over at The Wine Fund, but I do have plans to share a review of the hotel my friend and I stayed at in Miami so check back later this week. Or maybe you want to wait until next week's recap to make sure I've actually done it, because, you know, I get sidetracked. Hi! I'm Dory. 

At The Facebook Page, I *finally* got around to sharing the recipe for my awesome roasted potatoes. Yes, they are that good. You should try them. I also posted this week's meal plan.
Have a good rest of your week!

Friday, January 27, 2012

This magic moment

It's past midnight. I just had to email my boss to say I won't be in tomorrow because my kid is ill. It's now, as I lay in a bed with this sick, pukey little girl that I know I have never loved anyone more in my life. This parenting gig... It's gross. It's really, really gross. But every trial, every tribulation is just so worth it. Even when it smells really bad.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Begin to start

The fertility treatments are underway. As a woman in her late 30s who delayed marriage and children until my career was established and my party days were over, I am officially a cliche. Onward! I was out of town when I should have been learning how to inject my medication. This was a point of GREAT concern for the staff at the fertility clinic. Eventually I managed to convince them I'd be able to figure it out on my own from written instructions, but just to be on the safe side they directed me to YouTube. Well, I'll be damned! There ARE instructions for everything on YouTube! You can watch the video if you want to, but allow me to save you some time:
  1. Put pointy thing on end of pen
  2. Jab pointy thing into clean skin
  3. Push button

They spend a whole lot of time instructing you to ensure the dose is correct. "Make sure you've got the correct dose. If you don't have the right dose, dial the needle until you do. If you have gone too far, go back! If you accidentally give yourself too much medication, you're kinda fucked but be sure to call your doctor anyway." I'm thinking if there are people seeking treatment who are too stupid to turn a dial on a pen to the correct spot that is quite clearly marked, perhaps we shouldn't be helping them reproduce...

I knew fertility drugs were expensive, but $486 for a FOUR DAY SUPPLY? Holy shit! Thankfully The Husband and I have company drug plans that cover it, but we're going to max out our lifetime limit of coverage pretty quickly at this rate. I'm sure Kid 2.0 will be worth the money and the effort, but I still think it's CRAZY. I'm supposed to believe the clinic doesn't mark up the drugs at all, but that's a little hard to take when I can Tweet from the waiting room using free WiFi.

From a friend with bad plumbing and good nails.
Knowing me like you do (which for most of you is not at all, but let's not sweat the small stuff...) you have to know I have found something funny about the morning ritual. For those new to infertility, if you don't laugh you'll cry so you might as well laugh. You're welcome! Every morning I have an ultrasound with what Naked Mommy has affectionately dubbed "The Dildo Cam." Every morning a strange woman, who usually doesn't introduce herself, orders me to undress and proceeds to poke and prod at my navel. From the inside. But that's not what I find funny about the whole ordeal. After she's done, there's usually a big production about leaving the room while I get dressed. You know, for privacy. I think we're a little past the point of modesty once you've fucked me with a lubeless wand before my morning coffee. But if it makes you feel better, by all means, feel free to leave the room while I retrieve my knickers.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Week 4 Recap: Elsewhere

Over at Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page, I posted the meal plan for this week AND last week. Because I am an awesome wife who sets things up for The Husband when I am away gallivanting in the sun. It's a big sacrifice, but I manage to pull it off with grace and style. And cocktails. Lots and lots of cocktails. I also shared a family favourite recipe, Anthony Bourdain's Beef Bourguignon. It's some seriously good stuff, and it's made better still by the fact that The Husband is the one who makes it. That's right, a delicious meal that I don't have to cook myself. I really am a lucky girl.

Lots and lots of cocktails...
At The Wine Fund, I posted the fourth and final review of the strollers I used while I had a baby. Because as The Parasite is quick to point out, at every possible opportunity, she is not a baby. She is a big girl. Thanks for the reminder, kid! *sniffle* That's OK, the fertility treatments are underway (more on that later) and I hope to be feeding my stroller addiction again soon!

Have a great week!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The one where she talks about things that grate

I have a list of pet peeves as long as your arm. Every day, people do things that irritate me. It's usually not their fault they're completely clueless, but that doesn't make me any less grumpy. I'm limiting myself to a Top 8 here, so it's a good thing I've already covered off public transit annoyances in another post. I could not, in good conscience, bypass public transit on a bitch list. Alright, here we go:

  1. Clueless shopper #1. The person in front of me in the grocery line who stands there twiddling their thumbs while their groceries are rung up and then loads the packages into their cart before making a move to dig out their method of payment. Seriously? That you were going to have to pay for your shit is a surprise?
  2. Automatic flushing toilets. I can work around the annoyance in potty training, but I have yet to remember to bring my own pack of Post-Its to the bathroom. Who designed these things? Why do they soak my ass as I'm sitting down? Why won't they let me flush my own damn toilet? I have a hand at the end of each arm, and am fully down with the complicated technology of the flush lever.
  3. The weavewalker. The person who doesn't check their blindspot on foot. Going to abruptly change directions on a busy sidewalk? Give a peek over your shoulder to make sure you're not smashing into someone, k?
  4. Clueless shopper #2. Yes, that is a line. It is not a group of people who have stood one behind the other for lack of something better to do. Please join it, at the back. No, you can't just "ask something quickly," because I am standing in line to ask something quickly.
  5. The one who left the photocopier a mess. Who gets every error light on that thing lit up and then walks away? Why didn't they tell someone?? Was it you? Because I kind of want to smack someone for it, and you'll do. Better still, now that it's an all in one deal, I can't print, scan, fax or make a copy while the stupid thing is fucked up. And I am not at all pleased.
  6. Gum crackers. I inherited this one from my mother who also cannot abide the sound of someone chewing gum. Why on God's green earth would you chew gum with your mouth open? Do you chew your food with your mouth open too? Hearing it is 10 times worse than seeing it, and seeing it is pretty damn gross. Want to know the difference between your average teenager chewing their gum and a cow chewing its cud? The cow's eyes let you know the lights are on and somebody is home.
  7. The full dishwasher. The Husband is awesome, wonderful, I'm so lucky to have him. Blah, blah, blah. Love him, but if I go into the kitchen and find that he has loaded the dishwasher to a point where you couldn't add another dish with a fucking shoe horn... and then doesn't turn it on... I might have to file for divorce. I'm certain that's an irreconcilable difference.
  8. Spitters. No, not that kind. I mean people who spit on public streets. I once had a guy hork a loogie as I was passing by. Did I mention I was wearing sandals? Yeah, ew. Then the douche had the audacity to tell me it wasn't a big deal as I looked at him in horror. I assured him it was and wiped my foot on his pants. In front of his date, who had now joined him on the sidewalk. Hope he didn't stiff the waitress on the tip and talk about an ex because I'm pretty sure spitting on a passerby would be the third strike that sent him to relax with his thoughts at home. Alone.
What about you? What gets you the most stabby?

This post is written as part of GBE2 - Week #35 word prompt: Pet Peeves. For more info about GBE,  click here.  

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Missing you

See? Told you it was the size of a pail!
I'm in a place that's pretty close to paradise. They serve drinks in glasses the size of pails here. I'm having a great time with a lifelong friend and it's really a wonderful trip. But there's this underlying feeling of something that should be there that isn't.

Oh, that's right! It's my baby.

I knew I was going to miss her, I just had no idea it was going to be a near constant ache. In about 30 hours I'm going to give her the world's biggest hug, and I'm not going to spend another night away from her for a really, really long time.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Week 3 Recap: Elsewhere

Over at Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page, I posted last week's meal plan and the recipe for my famous black bean and chicken enchiladas. OK, so they're only famous with my family. Whatever. At The Wine Fund, I posted a review of the third stroller we used in our pushing a kid around career, the Bugaboo Frog. There's one stroller review left to go, and I'm not getting to it today.


Because by the time you're reading this, I'll have taken to the friendly skies for my long weekend with a friend in a sunny locale. A cold front has washed over this fair land of ours, everything is covered in snow and I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. I'm going to miss that little girl of mine like crazy, in fact I'm already feeling enormous pangs of guilt about leaving her. Oh, I'm still going to have a great time while I'm there, but I'll also be counting down the hours until I can get some sweet baby cuddles.

Try to have fun without me. I'll catch up with you later in the week!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The one where she talks about holes

Tales from long ago ago are fascinating. I studied a lot of history in school and I have stood at the base of the pyramids of Giza, looking up in awe at what those who came before us were capable of doing. George Santayana said "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." That's been proven true time and time again, but I'm not going to talk about the history of the world today. I'm going to talk about (OK, fine purists, I'll write about it) my own history, and the boys I've loved before.

I was 31 when I met The Husband. This may come as a shock to some of you, but... I wore a white dress for my wedding because of a keen sense of irony. Before The Husband there was a long string of unsuitable candidates competing for my DNA, often referred to as a long line of assholes. To be sure, there were some genuine assholes in the bunch. Like the one who, when I called him with the news that my beloved grandfather died, replied with "I guess we're not going to the movies on Saturday, eh?" No, he wasn't kidding. He was also the one who stood me up on New Years Eve a few months later. But even that asshole taught me something about myself, what I was and wasn't willing to tolerate, and what I wanted in a partner.

Sometimes the things you regret the most become some of the experiences you're most grateful for later. All the decisions I have made, the roads less travelled I have taken, mistakes made and learning experiences... um, experienced, shape my judgment today. I am the cumulative result of my history. History made me understand that anyone I was spending time with was likely to be human, with all the failings of the condition. We do things that annoy, hurt and frustrate, but we also do things that bring great joy. And I wouldn't have known what to look for in someone I could share my life with had it not been for some of the assholes.

I guess some gratitude is due, but I wouldn't recommend that any of the boys I've loved before hold their breath waiting for their thank you card...

This post is written as part of GBE2 - Week #34 word prompt: History. For more info about GBE,  click here.  

Monday, January 9, 2012

Want to see TinTin?

I have a reward code for two adult passes (max value $24) for the new Adventures of TinTin movie that I can't use, so I'm giving them away here. NOTE: These are valid in Canada only. Here is the fine print:
  • Code must be entered on the website by 11:59 pm CT on 1/22/2012. Certificate expires when film is no longer in theaters or on 1/22/2012, whichever occurs first.  Certificate is valid for up to $24.00 towards two (2) adult admissions to see The Adventures Of Tintin, at participating theaters, including those designated as “no coupons, no passes” in local theater listing guides. Reward must be used in one transaction and is void after use, so all movie admissions must be purchased at the same time. Valid in Canada only. If lost, cannot be replaced. Void if resold. No reproductions will be accepted. No change will be provided to consumer. Not valid with any other offer. Each certificate has a unique code that allows a one-time movie theater admission. Attempts to use the unique code for anything other than a movie theater admission or to use it after the expiration date will result in denial of the transaction.
Want 'em? I'll do a random draw on Thursday night at 9:00 EST. One or all of the following will constitute an entry, maximum one of each of these entries per person:
  1. Comment "I wanna see TinTin" here
  2. Follow @jwarrender on Twitter (comment here to let me know you're following from the giveaway)
  3. Like Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page (comment here, same as above)
  4. Share the post that I'm about to add to The Facebook Page
  5. Re-tweet the giveaway
 Good luck! Happy movie viewing.

UPDATE: We have a winner who has been notified. Thanks to all who entered. I'll try to see what other giveaways I can come up with in the future.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Week 2 Recap: Elsewhere

On Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page, I shared this week's meal plan AND a recipe for Friday's meal,  tandoori drumsticks. We didn't end up having the tandoori as planned because the chicken was still frozen when I got home from work. Shows you can plan all you want, but sometimes pizza is what's for dinner. I should coach people on dealing with adversity, but I don't think many people would pay me much for my secret. I'll share it with you here now: Shit happens, move on. I have found this is the solution to most first world problems.

The Parasite is closing in on her third birthday. That means we're retiring the strollers we have collected over the years. At The Wine Fund, I am reviewing those strollers. So far I have covered the I'coo Targo (JEERS!) and the Chicco Ct 0.6 (CHEERS!) with reviews of the rest of the collection to come later this week. That's right, there is more to come. Apparently I have a thing for strollers. Who knew?

This week's meal plan will be posted as soon as I figure out just what that plan is. You can keep up with all the latest by liking Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page or by following me on Twitter. Have a great week!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Gimme a head with hair! Long, beautiful HAIR!

I have always wanted long, flowing, all the way down to my waist hair, just like the women on the covers of romance novels. This cannot be for a couple of reasons. First of all, my hair grows at a ridiculously slow rate and it's finer than baby fine. I have a lot of it so I'm not showing scalp or anything, but superfine hair tends to turn into a rat's nest in anything more than a gentle breeze. And, as we've established, I'm really quite lazy. By the time my colour-treated, slow-growing hair reaches a length of any substance, it's so badly neglected that it looks like shit so I have to cut it and start all over again. I have been repeating this cycle for a couple of decades now, it's not likely to change.

With my hair destined to be no longer than shoulder-length in perpetuity, I have to focus on some of the positives of super slow growing hair. Specifically, I can get away with shaving my legs somewhere close to never in summer, and even less often in winter. A lazy woman's dream!

But (and there's always a but) this neglect of self-care comes at a price. Turns out you're way more likely to cut yourself using a cheap razor to hack away at longer stubble. A shaving nick in the shower turns into a scene from a low production value horror movie pretty quickly, and even a shallow cut on the back of one's knee is really annoying when jeans rub against it. Enter the bandaid. Clearly the one I chose employed some kind of fucking contact cement. It held on long enough for me to forget all about it, and the glue residue held on for longer still. Even The Parasite was appalled by my shoddy boo-boo care and missed no opportunity to point out the bandaid outline on my leg.

And what happened the very next time I got around to shaving my legs?
I believe the lesson to be learned here is... don't bother trying.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The one where she talks about working for the weekend

While life is sometimes pretty hectic, I have no regrets about choosing to work outside the home. Sure, it's not for everybody, and that's OK. There's a lid for every pot. I might have felt differently were it not for Canada's generous paternal leave policies which allowed me to stay at home for the first year. But I always knew I was going back to full time employment.

I like what I do, and most of the time I think I'm pretty good at it. Though, since the arrival of The Parasite, work is NOT my life - it's how I pay for it. I used to really identify with being a career woman. I kept my maiden name when I got married because I didn't want to reestablish myself after working so hard to build a network. A good reputation is a hard won prize for anyone out there in the working world.

And then my outlook changed completely with nine pounds of squawking baby. Now I work for the weekends when I can spend some extra time lolling around in bed with my people. I live for Saturday because I can spend all day TOMORROW with her too! It sounds so cheesy, I know, but she really does make it all worthwhile. I'm also extremely territorial about my family vacation time. That's when we take a break from the crazy and connect with each other, reminding ourselves of what all this fuss is about.

Some day, in the distant future when my kid(s) is(are) older, I may try to get back on the aggressive career track. I'll still have a good decade left in me where I can be worked to the bone to plump up my retirement savings that will be drained by putting kid(s) though school. But for now I consider any day I get home in time to sneak in a trip to the park before dinner a good day. I go to work every day and do a good job, expecting no more than a fair day's pay for a fair day's work. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Have you had a watershed moment in your career? I'd love to hear about it.

This post is written as part of GBE2 - Week #33 word prompt: Work. For more info about GBE,  click here

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Week 1 Recap: Elsewhere

I mentioned a PR policy when I announced Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page. It's here!

Speaking of Life with a Parasite - The Facebook Page, I have posted two quick, easy, family-friendly recipes over there. One for a portable, heart-healthy pasta alfredo with chicken and broccoli and one for a hearty asparagus chowder. How can you make sure you get these updates right away, just in time to save your dinner from ruin? Well, liking the page is a good place to start.

As part of the PR policy, I am also announcing Life with a Parasite - The Wine Fund, a separate blog where I will happily share reviews, contests and giveaways. It's not fully off the ground yet, but feel free to add it to your reading list so you're in on the ground floor. Interested in learning more? Please see the disclosure and PR policies at The Wine Fund using the links on the homepage.

Don't want to add a separate blog to your reading list and feel like you already like half of Facebook anyway? Fear not. Every Sunday, I'll post a recap just like this one to share I'm up to in that great somewhere known as Elsewhere.

Hi 2012!

Happy New Year! I hope everyone spent last night with loved ones, or at least well liked ones. The Husband and I have a New Year's tradition of our own, eschewing the big party scene for fondue and copious amounts of Prosecco, a nectar of the Gods. There were some sad times in 2011 as both of The Husband's grandmothers passed away and there were some disappointing times as we learned the second baby we long for isn't coming without some help. But on the whole it was a good year with lots of fun times for my little family.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions because I do better with periodic, short-term goals but I do like to look at the year ahead and make a game plan. We've got a two family vacations planned to help us take a break from the crazy that is our day-to-day life and just bask in our love for each other. And fight and bicker in airports somewhere, but that's just details. When you look back at time with the family, with any luck you only see smiles in the pictures.

The most significant item on the 2012 agenda is, hopefully, the start of a sibling for The Parasite. Three rounds of treatment and a few more months of letting nature take its course with a deadline of December 31, 2012. If there's no baby on the way as we have champagne and Prosecco next year, we'll close up shop and enjoy our life with the awesome kid we already have. And we'll concentrate on making her life the stuff that dreams are made of.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you'll stay along for the ride.