Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Day Steam of Consciousness

It's Christmas Day. My house looks like a My Little Pony bomb went off in here. It's the last Christmas where there's only one kid to please. Well that's not true, next year the baby will only be six months old so I guess they'll still be pretty easily amused. I'll just take all the empty boxes from Kid #1's toys and give them to Kid #2 to play with. So very efficient! Right now, for coming up with that plan, some of you are thinking I'm really mean and some are thinking I'm a fucking genius. You're all correct.

I haven't updated here in nearly three weeks. Dudes. The pregnancy fatigue. It's awful! I'm not sure if it's worse this time around of if I just feel it more because I didn't have another kid to look after last time. Never take the opportunity to nap for granted, people! Anyway, because of the long, long silence I've decided to just type whatever pops into my head for 10 minutes. If you're wondering how much of this you're going to have to endure, I started four minutes ago.

The pregnancy books say I can't feel the baby move yet. The pregnancy books lie. At night when things are very quiet and still I feel little bumps, like a goldfish bumping into the side of the bowl as it swims. I've seen this little critter doing backflips on an ultrasound screen, so I know he/she is a live one. I was thrilled. The ultrasound tech, who needed to take precise measurements, was less impressed. Speaking of he/she, the question we're being asked most often is whether or not we're going to find out the sex when we can. The answer is hell yes! Some express disappointment, "Oh, you don't want to wait for a surprise?" 1. I loathe and despise surprises; 2. It's not going to be much of a surprise, I'm expecting to hear boy or girl. If I find out it's a kangaroo THAT will be a surprise.

It occurs to me that I'm no longer a very good typist. That's a human failing I'm going to learn to live with. Merry Christmas everyone!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Je me souviens

On December 6th, 1989, 14 people were shot and killed at L'Ecole Polytechnique in what is known as the Montreal Massacre. Another 23 were injured before the shooter turned the gun on himself. It was, and is, the largest mass murder in Canadian history.

What heinous crime did the victims commit to deserve such a fate? They were born women. After claiming that he was "fighting feminism," the shooter entered a classroom, separated the men from the women, and opened fire. Room by room, he repeated the process. Men who tried to intervene were also shot, though none of them fatally.

To dismiss his actions as those of a madman trivializes his actions. Random violence, crazy man. Move along, nothing to see here.  

I was 14 years old and became aware for the very first time that I could be hated by a complete stranger for no reason at all. As a Canadian, as a woman and as the mother of a daughter in a world where women still die every day because they were born a girl, it is my duty to remember. May the mothers who lost daughters on that horrible day take some small comfort in knowing that more than two decades later... Je me souviens.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Dear Duchess of Cambridge

Ooph, that's mouthful. Mind if I just call you Kate? I mean, I'm from the colonies so we're practically family.

Congratulations on your new addition! You were going to hold off until Christmas to make your announcement to clear the first trimester, so I think we're due around the same time. That's just awesome. That hyperemesis gravidarum is a bitch, eh? I take no joy in your misery but it is small comfort to know that pregnancy is the great leveller. No amount of money can make the physical effects suck less.

You're resting in hospital now so I won't take too much of your time. You know what would be a great idea? A joint baby shower. I know it's a second baby for me, but I think it's important for you to have a mentor in this process so I'm happy to break protocol to make that happen for you.

Could you do me a favour? It's also not customary to invite men to a baby shower, but I feel like these minor etiquette lapses are probably overlooked for you. Can you invite your brother in law? Preferably drunk and shirtless. He can bring a friend if that would make him feel more comfortable. How about his Vegas swimming buddy, Ryan Lochte? Also clothing optional.

I know I'm married and can't touch, but looking would do plenty for my spirits. Please do give the idea some thought. I think we can totally make this work.

Call me anytime to discuss!