Sunday, March 30, 2008

It's for Science, Man!

Days Late: 6
Tests Taken So Far: 4 (3 limply-Pos, 1 decidedly-Neg)

Theory: Clearblue Digital may be sophisticated, but it's not that accurate...

Hypothesis: Other, much cheaper HPTs give you a better answer because they rely on simple chemical reaction, rather than hocus-pocus bullshit (paraphrased from my husband).

This Lady is kind of my hero. I fully admit that I'm ripping off her schtick here, but I have GOT to conduct my own experiments. I'm a "believe it when I see it" kind of girl.

Every single ad for home pregnancy tests claims that their test gives you an answer the soonest. "Up to FOUR days before your expected period!", they claim. "Doesn't matter what time of day you test!", they say. Truth is, they're only really effective when you're already a week late, and it really is best to use your first pee of the day because the hormone level will be the most concentrated. They just tell you that you can test early and whenever in the day because that will give more false negatives. And then you'll buy more pregnancy tests. I'm a fucking genius! (she exclaims, as she's dropped about $100 herself...)

Just shy of a week late, because I am very, very impatient and I just don't have time for this kind of experiment on a Monday morning, I've put them to the test. I've dipped the First Response test (that has yielded 3 Pos so far), the Most Sophisticated Piece of Technology I'll Ever Pee on, and the cheapest drugstore-brand piece of crap I could find in the same cup of first-thing in the morning pee, as per the instructions in the package. All claim results are accurate within 3-4 minutes, and to disregard the results after 10 minutes. The photographs below are the status after 5 minutes.

#1 First Response, 3 Pos so far (Test #5)

The Result:

Second line, but it's still very, very faint. Dammit.

#2 Clearblue Digital, The Most Sophisticated yada yada yada, 1 Neg so far (Test #6)

The Result:

Still "Not Pregnant". Dammit!

#3 The $7 Store Brand (Test #7)

The Result:

OK, it's the first time I've used this one. And it's negative. Dammit.

Dammit, dammit dammit! Now, I must change my theory.

The only brand of test that gives me a positive is First Response. Perhaps their design is flawed? Now that I've blown April's grocery budget on tests, it's time to call in the big guns. That's right, I'm calling the doctor and arranging a blood test.


Unknown said...

You know, there's a lot to said for peeing on Sophisticated Pieces of Technology. I once peed on a DVD player but I drink a whole lot.

That's not to say that sobriety would have stopped me. I just would have unplugged the DVD player first.

Having said that, if you're into sparks and electrical fires, there's a lot to recommend the experience.

robin ann mcintosh said...

ha,ha! i went through this a year ago - two positive tests, one negative - i feel your pain!

great blog! looking forward to reading about your upcoming adventures :)