Think Unicorns & Rainbows!
There are many things they don't tell you, those people who encourage you to join the With Children cult. Like when they say "you may experience some breast tenderness" they don't tell you your boobs will hurt so fucking much, you won't even be able to wear your purse the way you usually do because the strap will become an agent of doom. My already cumbersome boobs are swollen, and they hurt like hell.
There's the little things you take for granted. Yesterday, while showering, I had my leg up on the edge of the tub shaving it. I realized in a few months, I won't be able to reach around the belly to shave my legs. What the super fuck? I'll have to be a woolly beached whale? Oh, well now that's just great.
I've already accepted the fact that normal sleeping patterns are a thing of the past. I took a two hour nap yesterday, and I still laid on the couch for an hour before throwing in the towel and going to bed at 11:00. Apparently, my husband married a 9 year old with the early bedtime and everything!
So far, I have decided that there must be Unicorns and Rainbows in the delivery room, because otherwise there is no fucking way women would do this more than once. Seriously!
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