Thursday, September 18, 2008

Status Report - 215 Days to Go!

Yeah, yeah. Exhaustion this, nausea that. It's getting to be the same old, same old. I've got 3 weeks left of the first trimester, and it can't be over soon enough. You'd think that's because the symptoms generally abate after 13 weeks, and sure that's part of it. But mostly it's because after the first trimester, the risk of miscarriage drops significantly.

There is a tremendous fear involved in growing a person. The stats are out there, and they're scary. 15-25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. While half of you is incredibly excited, mentally mapping out the nursery and window shopping for the coolest stroller money can buy ($1000, thank you very much), the other half is terrified that something is wrong with the baby, that at any moment you're going to have a telltale cramp that signals the end.

This is not helped by seemingly well-meaning (yet completely stupid) people pointing out that "it's early", as though any couple expecting a baby isn't already painfully aware of that. Here's a tip for those well-meaning (yet completely stupid) folks out there: Miscarriage is a real fear, and it's very sad, and any couple expecting a baby knows that "it's early" because they were both there at conception - they do NOT need your reminder.

If they choose to share their news earlier than you did or would if it were you, it's because they are happy and they want to share that joy. Should something bad happen, they will be sad and they would like some help coping with their sadness. Ya' know, like help them through it by saying a kind word or something crazy like that, rather than hiding in a cave like fucking lepers in a time of personal tragedy. The woman in particular will already feel like it's all her fault, and making it sound like they're jinxing it is particularly cruel to her.

When a couple shares the news that they're expecting a baby, the appropriate response is "Congratulations! That is wonderful news!" If they later have to un-tell the news, the appropriate response is "I'm sorry to hear that, do you need anything at this time?" Saying anything idiotic like "Why did you tell people so early?" is totally inappropriate, and also none of your business. If they tell you to go fuck yourself, either in person or in a blog post because they heard about your ever-so-unhelpful commentary after the fact, suck it up. You deserve it.

And seriously. Go fuck yourself.


Anonymous said...

so . . . pregnancy is doing wonders for your mood :D

Susan said...

I love that you haven't changed!