Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Using every tool in the toolbox

I was one of those parents that everybody loves to hate. I had to wake The Parasite up to eat for the first few weeks because she wanted to keep on sleeping. By eight weeks, she was sleeping through the night and other than a few teething episodes and short-lived sleep regressions, this kid has been an absolute dream at bedtime for the last two and half years.

Until recently.

Lately she has been having trouble getting to sleep. I'm not talking about the usual toddler stall tactics like "I need to go pee. I need a drink. I need a hug and a kiss." I mean an hour of ballyhooing, screaming, crying fits that finally culminate in an exhausted baby falling asleep between heart-wrenching sobs. It came on suddenly enough that I know it's just another phase. We've been here before, we'll be here again. But that doesn't mean it's not exhausting.

I'm sick today and I was just not in the mood for the shenanigans. In a moment of desperation, I pulled a total Bad Mommy manoeuvre. Tonight, when the bullshit started up I gave her a sip of water and one more trip to the potty, telling her it was the last time she was getting out of bed for the night. Then on the way back to her room, I started singing "Santa Claus is coming to town." I put particular emphasis on the "sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake" bit. And THEN I told her that if she didn't lay down and go to sleep, I was going to call Santa and tell him not to bring her any presents.

My baby is now sleeping like a baby with the Fear of God in her, and I have paved my own path straight to hell. Thank you and goodnight!


Storm, The Psychotic Housewife said...

Bwhahaha! Hey she listened, I call that the perfect plan - well, until Christmas is over. Although... maybe you can draw it out longer. lol

The Host said...

Don't I know it! When Santa stops working, I'm going to use our family vacation, and when that's over I'll find a way to make the Easter Bunny useful.

Man, I am *all over* this bribing to sleep thing!