I had a lot of anxiety in my first pregnancy. I think that's pretty normal, impending life changing event and all that good stuff. But I forgot how pervasive it is. Sometimes it's all consuming. It probably doesn't help that both of my pregnancies have had complications, but it's more than that. It's a deep, underlying terror that at any given moment disaster could strike.
When I'm not worried about terrible, awful things, it's the silly ones that plague my mind. Like, "What if I don't love this baby as much as I love M? How can I be a good mom to more than one child?" As if I'm the only person who has ever had more than one baby. I can usually deep breathe my way back to rationality fairly quickly, but you know I'd really rather not have the fear at all.
91 days and counting!
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