Pandora's Box

Once you open the door to fertility treatments, there's a big gust of wind that can make it very hard to close. That's why before you even open it a crack, you need to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. The Husband and I have reviewed the treatments that are commonly offered and done a "yay or nay" so that when we're in the thick of it, and someone is pressuring us to consider very expensive, invasive shit, we keep our eyes on the prize.

We have a beautiful child. We would like to have another beautiful child, but if we cannot, we have a beautiful child. I feel like a little bit of an ingrate for lamenting the lack of productivity on the babymaking front, but there you have it. First, we need to determine if there is a problem. Then we need to know what would be involved in fixing the problem. A change in diet to increase sperm count? Sure. A little laparoscopy to clear up a blocked fallopian tube? No problem. Endometrial biopsy? Testicular sperm extraction? Daily blood work and hormone injections? IVF? I have a tremendous amount of admiration for the people who have the strength to endure those treatments, but The Husband and I are not among them.

Oh, and if one more person I only know casually asks me "So... are you going to have another one?", I think I'm going to unload on them. If you want to show a total lack of boundaries in asking the question, I feel no shame in giving a honest answer.

Check up

Alright, procrastination period over. I did book that ultrasound appointment and they saw me today. Oh, crazy little wand, how I DIDN'T miss you! Unlike during an obstetrical ultrasound you don't get to look for the cute little baby limbs. This was all of the discomfort with none of the Awwwwwww! Now I just have to get around to having the bloodwork drawn, getting back to the family doctor, and getting the referral to a fertility clinic. At the rate I'm going, my next kid could have a due date of 2026.

Here's hoping the problem takes care of itself in the meantime.

The I Word

I got pregnant pretty easily the first time around. We more "stopped preventing" than "started trying" and *poof* it just happened. Naturally I assumed the next time around would be just as easy. All systems came back online after the last pregnancy in January 2010 and we "stopped preventing" last June. "They" say that after the age of 35, you should start investigating the causes of infertility after six months.

There, I said it. Infertility. But wait a minute, we already have a child. Surely that means we can't be infertile, right? A lot of people think that, but apparently 60% of couples in fertility counseling already have one or more children. I saw the doctor a couple of weeks ago to start the referral process for a specialist. I got requisition forms for a bunch of tests, included the oh-so-fun pelvic ultrasound. It took me weeks to work up the nerve to see the doctor in the first place, and it's been weeks more since but I haven't gotten to calling for the ultrasound appointment or having the blood work done.

Now, I have been very busy at work and it legitimately slipped my mind a few times. And then I was all set to make the calls on Friday but I left the paperwork at home. But part of me is starting to wonder if there's not just a teeny bit of self-sabotage going on here, like I'm afraid of hearing bad news. Hell, who isn't? But tomorrow I have to rip off the bandaid and make the call.