Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Would you like fries with that?

I think most sales tactics are pretty transparent when you know what to look for, and none is so crystal clear as is... the dreaded upsell. You're already here, why NOT supersize those fries? Or get the purse that matches the shoes? Or upgrade to the "Sport" package? FYI: There is nothing "Sporty" about the "Sport" package on a family hatchback.

I had a consult with the surgeon last week. I anticipated a little chat about what to expect before, during and after the procedure. Maybe a nice, hot cup of tea or cocoa or something. I was NOT, however, expecting another date with the ultrasound wand. Fantastic! Good thing I showered before the appointment. Anyway. I'm having the surgery done at a private clinic. I wondered what business model allowed a private clinic to be profitable in a country with public health care. Now I know, and I kinda wish I didn't. The doctor doing my surgery spends most of his days performing labiaplasty.

So there I was, with an unexpected wand in the hoohah, when the doctor who spends the majority of his days making other hoohahs look prettier noted everything "down there" looks perfectly normal. Ummmmm. Thank you? But did I *REALLY* need to know, as I'm there at half past the asscrack of dawn, with an unexpected wand in my hoohah, that you were also evaluating my upsell potential? GAH!


Playoutsidegal said...

Oh I don't envy your date with the dildo-cam. I had to have it TWICE when I had gyno issues then again when I was pregnant. EW! Always leaves you feeling so violated. Then to get comments on your lady bacon? OMG.. I would have run from the place screaming.. You're a brave soul!

The Host said...

NM, I've had many dates with the dildo cam but usually I'm expecting it. I think if you're going to comment on the aesthetic condition of my girly bits while using a probe you should AT LEAST buy me dinner first.

Unknown said...

I had a date with the old dildo cam as you call it recently as well. Had it at the hospital and another woman did it so I missed out on any brilliant comments. She didn't even look up the sheet to find my hou ha she just stuck it up there and magically found the right hole. I was silently praying she wouldn't get it up my a$$hole instead. Gees!! She had no desire to check out my business which was fine by me. LOL Lord. Funny blog.


Unknown said...

That's why i had to stop going to doctors entirely. They kept falling in love with my wang, and I couldn't move for all the flowers they kept sending.

I know that I'll drop dead of some undiagnosed cancer someday soon, but there's more to me than just my pud, you know!

Okay, there's really not. I'm a pretty terrible human being.

The Host said...

@Kathy, those ladies with the dildo cam are better than most men at finding the right hole. It's sad, but true.

@Skippy, beautiful genitalia is truly more curse than blessing. What with all the preening and grooming and constant demands for flattery, it's a wonder we manage to leave the house most days. Mirror, Mirror on the... floor.