When Doing Nothing Does Something

A Reasonable Facsimile

It was a Professional Development Day at M's school yesterday. Usually this fills me with a sense of "OMFG, what are we going to do all day?" but yesterday, I tried something a little different. Wait, I should back up a bit. Our daily routine is predictably a pretty busy one, and it goes something like this:

• Get up, pack M's lunch for school, help get her dressed, feed and dress Z, and then finally feed and dress myself. 
• Morning programs for Mommy & Z.
• Home for lunch, put Z down for nap and do some work until he wakes up. 
• Go pick up M at school, go to her after school programs a couple of times a week.
• Make dinner, put the kids to bed, do some more work and head to bed. 
• Wash, rinse, repeat. 

Somewhere in there the laundry and dishes get done. And sometimes I even have an evening off to hang out with The Husband. Imagine that!

Yesterday, however, was a little different. With both kids underfoot and The Husband at work all day, the idea of getting stuff done around here was laughable. So I didn't bother trying. I cleared the decks and took the kids to an indoor play centre in the morning to let them run around and blow off steam. When we got back, Z went for a nap and M and I did each other's nails and then curled up on the couch and watched The Book of Life together. 

Taking that time to do nothing and reconnect reminded me why I had these kids. There's actually a name for what happens when you take a day to reconnect, it's called filling the attachment tank. Yes, I spend a lot of time with the kids, but a lot of it spent in the midst of doing something else. Once in a while, the damn laundry can wait. Let's face facts, it's not going anywhere. Ever. But someday these kids won't have any interest in lengthy cuddles on the couch.

Have you tried taking a break from all the "stuff" that needs to get done, just to spend some time doing nothing with your little people? Tell me how it went! 

Have your second kid first: Nap time!

I was completely neurotic about M's nap schedule. Seriously, a total lunatic. I was actually afraid that her brain development would be in peril if she napped poorly for a few days. She's brilliant now and capable of outsmarting me most of the time, so in hindsight perhaps I should have let her skip a nap or two. You know that person who tells you their baby was sleeping through the night at three months old and took 2+ hour naps so they could get stuff done around the house? And you have to work hard to restrain yourself from punching them or at least telling them to shut the fuck up?

Hi! That was me! Naturally, I attributed her fantastic sleep habits to my superior parenting. Naturally, I was wrong. All luck, no skill.

Little Cat Z? Well, he's just not the sleeper his sister was. He's six months old and he has slept through the night five times. Don't even get me started his nap "schedule" because I will laugh in your face. If I don't punch you first. More often than I care to admit his naps are passing out for a little while in the stroller or the Ergo as he's carted off to one of his sister's activities.

You know what? The kid is fine. He's alert and active and quite possibly the happiest baby I have ever seen. The smiles are blinding. If a nap is cut short because we have to pick M up from school or leave for ballet (or gymnastics or swimming or Tiny Tots at the museum) he just catches up at the next one. That stress, that worrying, that pulling out of the hair was for naught.

Ballerina Growl

The Parasite started a ballet class a couple of weeks ago. For the first time in an organized class she has attended, no parents are allowed in the room to minimize distractions. That leaves us out in the hallway, just a bunch of strangers trying to make small talk. We live in the same neighbourhood and have kids about the same age so there is at least a shred of commonality. But once you finish talking about the weather and the trials and tribulations of school registration, there's a lot of awkward silence. While you're not in the room with the kids, you can't go too far away either. So you're stuck there, sitting across a narrow hallway from people you may or may not have any interest in engaging in a conversation.

I'm learning things about myself as I sit in that hallway. Specifically, I'm learning that I'm not very friendly. OK, I already knew that, but I always thought I'd be able to fake it for the good of my offspring. Nope. I don't like most people on the best of days, so you can imagine how chipper I am on a Saturday morning when I had to get up and out the door early with a preschooler who inherited her father's inability to hurry the fuck up. I feel like a better mom would be ensuring her daughter's social status by arranging playdates and exchanging witty banter with the other parents. Alas, my poor kid is going to have to navigate those wilds herself as I busy myself with my phone. Luckily she's very cute and friendly herself, so she's got a pretty good shot at making it on her own.


Life with a Parasite has been nominated for the Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian Mom Blogs. Please vote for me. You can vote once a day until October 11th. Thank you in advance!

Money for Nothing

I've been getting a lot of inquiries from PR firms as of late, and while the attention is flattering, I'm rather stunned by the lack of professionalism displayed by some agencies on behalf of their clients. Pitches asking me to do something for nothing are particularly baffling. Oh, I see. You'd like me to run a campaign including a blog post of a few hundred words with links, keywords and several pushes on my social media properties - activities that will take somewhere in the neighbourhood of two hours of MY TIME - in exchange for a sample of your client's product. One which has an approximate retail value of $5.

Just so we're clear, I assume you're going to pass the savings from the donation of MY TIME on to your client, who will in turn pass those savings on to the consumer. Therefore you're asking this altruism of me for the betterment of society, right? No? Yeah, that's what I thought. You're working the cost of MY TIME into your proposal to the client and then asking me to work for free. That's just not cool.

Look, I have a full time job that actually pays pretty well. I spend my days launching products with campaigns including several promotional pieces, links, keywords and multiple pushes on social media properties. Sound familiar? I do this in exchange for MONEY, because at last check that's what babysitters, stores, banks, utility companies. etc., are dealing in these days. If I want your client's $5 doodad, I'll buy it. If I think it's great, I'll tell the whole world. If I think it sucks, I then have the option of returning it or petitioning the manufacturer for a refund. I might choose to blog about the experience, but I have the option of not blogging about it too. The best part is that I'm not beholden to anybody but me!

I found this article interesting. It states the average parent blogger earns less than $1,000 a year for their efforts. The 64 cents per hour quoted in the article is a bit misleading because it assumes all blogging activity is intended for commercial purposes, which I expect is not the case for many bloggers. For example, I prattle on endlessly here because it's cheaper than therapy and because I want to show the world how adorable my kid is as I do my best to ply her will ALL of my neuroses. It's a hobby, not a means to feed, clothe and house my family.

However, it does mean there are a whole lot of people out there doing something for nothing. If you are one of those people working for free or something close to it, it's none of my business what you do with your time. I happen to think I deserve to be paid for ANY work that I do at the request of someone else (The Husband and The Parasite aside), but maybe you don't agree with that sentiment. Therefore you're welcome to take the following advice with a grain of salt.

I would recommend that every blogger that reads this post and is approached by a brand or an agency estimate how much time will be spent working for that brand or agency. Then compare that time spent to the minimum wage for your province/state/country/whatever as a starting point. If the agency or brand you're thinking of working with is offering you less than that amount in actual cash money (i.e., not product, unless your local phone company happens to accept shampoo samples as payment), SAY NO!

I ask for compensation that is in line my hourly rate at the office, because I'm doing similar work and I know I'm worth it. And so are you. Demand payment for your time, because every minute you spend doing something for nothing for somebody else is another minute you don't have to yourself.

Ask the Host Q10: Family Travel

We wanted to go away for a 2-3 day trip with our 3 year old daughter this winter. I looked into a few places and everything seems so expensive... am I looking in the wrong places? We live in NYC and I thought maybe Disney, but it would cost at least $1500 for 3 days!

So, personal question - if you are going away with your family, how much will/did the whole trip cost? Also, any suggestions on a quick trip idea that won't use up too much money?

Disney... Yeah, they're really expensive. You know what? I think it's worth every penny. Ever been somewhere looking around for a potty or a place to get a (relatively) nutritious snack for your kid? Not at Disney you won't, because as soon as you turn your head and finish your thought, whatever you're looking for magically appears. (*NOTE* This is not a paid Disney promo, they really are that damn good.) If you can make the math happen I highly recommend a trip with them. It really is a stress-free, if highly sanitized, adventure.

I know everybody says they love to travel, but I really, REALLY love to travel. I'm only happy when I'm planning my next trip. I took a break in The Parasite's first year because I was on Mat Leave and the cash didn't flow in quite the same way as it did when we were DINKS. Since I went back to work and we got back on the travelling horse we have gone away a couple of times a year.

Now that you're looking at full fare to fly with your little one road trips are obviously the cheapest option. We did a 10 hour trip this summer with The Parasite and, while it went better than we expected and we had a lot of fun, it was decidedly not relaxing. Your experience will depend a lot on what you expect from your vacation. Look, things are rough all over. We all make choices based on what we want from our lives. In our family, travel is a priority. I take transit instead of owning another car and I bring my lunch every day. I drive to a grocery store further away because it's cheaper AND they offer airline points. I do this so twice a year I can get the hell out of her for a week or so.

Atlantis Aquarium - Nassau Bahamas, January 2011

At the beginning of this year we went on a Disney cruise and all three of us had a great time. They really do it right. I came back feeling renewed and refreshed, and it wasn't just my trip to the spa on the Disney private island that did it. Our next vacation will be another cruise in the dead of winter, with another cruise line that boasts privacy for families and an amazing children's program. Paying to have The Parasite's needs catered to suits our life right now. We're also going to some pretty exotic ports of call which satisfies my wander lust.

How many dollars do we spend on family vacations? Probably too many dollars by many people's standards. How many of those dollars do I regret spending? Not a single one. Figure out what you want to do and how much you want to spend. If you find a big gap between what you want and what you can afford, you can delay your trip to bank more cash, or you can change your destination.


This post is part of a weekly series, Ask the Host, allowing you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for a brutally honest answer. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.

Ask the Host Q9: The Boobie Brigade

I'm pregnant, due in December. I'm wondering about breastfeeding. When I think about doing it now, it makes me feel weird. Plus, I've been on medication for depression for most of my adult life and I'm worried about taking it and getting it in the milk. I'm already having a hard time with the unmedicated pregnancy. Every article I read says that if I don't breastfeed I'm a bad mother. What if I hate it? Am I a bad mother?

Congratulations! You have so much to think about with your baby coming, please stop reading what the boobie brigade has to say about breastfeeding right now. You're just going to make yourself crazy. The Parasite nursed until she self-weaned at 22 months. According to the boobie brigade, since I didn't breastfeed for the full two years the WHO recommends, I might as well have handed her a bag of Cheetos on the way out of the womb.

Am I a breastfeeding advocate? Sure. I think everyone who wants to breastfeed their baby should have the support to do so. I think it's shameful that the medical community remains so uninformed about breastfeeding. It makes me sad when I hear stories of woman whose nursing relationships were sabotaged by well-meaning but uninformed advisers. And formula advertising in economically challenged areas that has convinced an entire generation of women that their own milk isn't good enough is vile, pernicious and should be stopped. But my support for the "Breast is Best" movement ends there. I don't think to support breastfeeding you need to vilify formula feeding mothers, and I don't think it does anybody any favours.

There are few things on the internet that annoy me more than anti-formula wank. "It's like a home cooked meal vs. McDonalds!" - Yes, I've actually seen that one many times. Well, no it's not. It's much more like the difference between fresh and frozen vegetables. There are pros and cons to both, and nobody should be made to feel bad or shameful for using either. Whatever or however you choose to feed YOUR baby is up to you. Mom guilt is a powerful force, don't let them start getting to you already!

Before I had an actual human baby in my arms, I thought I'd be creeped out by breastfeeding too. Turns out I wasn't when the time came. You don't know how you're going to feel, or how that baby is going to change how you feel until you get there, so try not to fill your head with too many preconceived ideas about your baby, your boobs and what you might think about the milk coming out of them. You just don't know.

If you DO decide you want to nurse, your medications may not the stumbling block you think they are. You'll have to speak to your doctor about your specific medications, but know that it's not like pregnancy when it's a direct link to your bloodstream. There are actually very few medications that are truly not safe for breastfeeding at all. If your particular medication is one of the few that are contraindicated during breastfeeding, you might be able to try something else. Or not. Please don't beat yourself up for circumstances you have no control over, especially not preemptively.

You know how you know you'll do just fine as a mom? Your baby isn't even here yet and you're trying to figure out how to do what's best for them. If you're happy and healthy, you'll be in a much better place, whatever you end up feeding your baby. It's not far away now, Mama!


This post is part of a weekly series, Ask the Host, allowing you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for a brutally honest answer. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.

Top 5 things I wish I had known : Guest Post on A Taste of T

Hey! Are you a parent, or are you planning to be one? Then you should check out the "Top 5 things I wish I had known about the first year of motherhood", a guest post I wrote for A Taste of T. For example, did you know that babies do not follow any of the schedules "they" say babies should follow? I DID NOT KNOW THIS EITHER!

If you're a new mom it might make you feel more normal, if you're a not so new mom you might giggle in commiseration, and if you're an expectant mom it might make you wonder what the hell you're getting yourself into. That's OK, we've all felt that way at one time or another. Drop by A Taste of T to read my Top 5 list, and while you're there check out her amusing slices of life and adorable baby pictures!

Finally Diaper Free: Guest Post on Multi-Testing Mommy

Want to know all about my kid's early toilet habits? Of course you do! I can think of nothing more interesting to read, especially right before dinner! That's why you should check out my guest post on Multi-Testing Mommy. It's the story of how and why I said screw it to diapers after screwing up my back. Seriously, go read it. And while you're there, check out some of the awesome contests, reviews and giveaways that Multi-Testing Mommy hosts all the time! Many thanks to her for letting me prattle on endlessly about stickers and poop and battery acid!

Guess who is a Yummy Mummy?

Looking for tips for prepping weeknight meals? SOMEONE wrote an article that has been published by The Yummy Mummy Club. Check it out!

Ask the Host Q5: Introducing Solids

My little girl is six months old. I started her on solids last week. Well, I tried to. I started on rice cereal but her tongue pushes everything out. Do you have to start with rice cereal? I wanted to make my own baby food but my doctor told me the rice cereal is the best first food. Does her pushing the food out mean she's not ready?  Sometimes she turns her head away too. Should I leave it for a while? Or keep persisting?

Hey, that's more than one question! I'm going to have to charge you extra. :) The tongue thrust is an important reflex for those little people, it helps to keep them from choking. She's also playing with her food. It's a whole new thing to her and what you deem to be "spitting it out" may be moving it around in her mouth before she knows how to keep it all the way closed. However, doing it repeatedly could be a sign she's not ready just yet. There's only one way to find out. If you take a break, it doesn't have to be a long one. A whole lot of development can happen in a week or two at this age.

Remember, your doctor is an expert in medicine, not necessarily nutrition. However, I am reluctant to offer advice on the internet that contradicts the opinion of a medical professional. I can tell you that The Parasite's first food was not boxed cereal. It wasn't cereal at all, I started with avocado and then some other fruits and vegetables. As for that "you have to start with veggies, not fruit because it's too sweet" idea - Hooey! Breastmilk is about as sweet as it gets, and formula is not far behind. I wouldn't worry too much about a little unsweetened fruit puree.

When I did introduce grains, I ground up oatmeal, barley and brown rice (separately, but now that I think of it I guess I could have mixed them together) and whisked them with some boiling water for a few minutes. I never used boxed cereal for the same reason I didn't do jarred food - I am cheap. $4 for a box of something I could do myself with 10 cents worth of steel cut oats from the bulk store and a coffee grinder? No thanks!

Infant cereals are generally recommended as the first food because they're easy on the tummy, not terribly high the list of likely allergens and they're fortified with iron. Babies are born with rich iron stores that deplete rapidly after about six months. I'm not sure where you are but in Canada they now recommend introducing meat as one of the first foods. The heme iron in meats is better absorbed than the nonheme iron in fortified cereals. I started with boneless, skinless chicken thigh blended with some homemade chicken stock. I have since found a couple of brands of chicken stock that are very low in sodium so I'd gladly use that if I was still making baby food.

My favourite site when The Parasite first started on solids was Wholesome Baby Food. I found the food charts particularly useful as a guide when determining what to introduce when. There's lots of tips and recipes to help get you started if you want to give making baby food a go.


This post is part of a weekly series, Ask the Host, that allows you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for completely honest answers. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.

The Artist is prolific

The Parasite goes to a lovely daycare centre every day where people with far more patience than I teach her how to paint and glue and colour within the lines. It's great! The caregivers are so, well, caring, that they seem to save each and every piece of paper that she touches with a crayon. I guess I'm supposed to feel like I'm there with her even when I'm not? It's sweet. Really, it is. But...

I'm often faced with an inch-thick stack of "stuff" that I have to do "something" with. Seriously, this is what I picked up from her little cubby TODAY ALONE:

An even bigger pile came home last Wednesday. Man, my house is small! I feel like I shouldn't be able to bring myself to toss it, but she's TWO. I have several more years of artwork to, um, look forward to. So now it's time for The Host to ask YOU! What do you do with all this shit artistically valid detritus?

Ask the Host Q4: The End of Naptime

My daughter's bedtime is suddenly impossible. I think it's time to cut out the nap and have been trying to to do this for a few days. She's still acting like she needs a nap but it's taking two hours to get her to bed at night and I can't keep it up anymore. HELP!

This may not seem obvious to you because you've got a crusty baby on your hands, but if she's acting like she still needs the nap it's because she probably does. Remember when she was tiny and you heard the expression "sleep begets sleep"? Or maybe you didn't hear that one, in which case pretend I'm a genius! Anyway, the philosophy is that kids who are well rested tend to sleep better, so dropping the nap might backfire. The bedtime issues could be a phase that will be over in a week or two, but once the daily naps are gone, they're gone forever. I'd *seriously* advise against letting it go so easily. The Parasite has skipped her nap a few times and boy, howdy! was she a pleasure to be around by dinnertime. Nap time is precious time for kids AND parents. I've got a few different ideas to try before you resort to cutting out naps altogether:

1. Wait it out. Maybe there's a new developmental leap in the works. Maybe she's just trying to push your buttons and because it's working so well she's doing it a little more. She might go back to her regular bedtime routine in a couple of weeks.
2. Try an earlier bedtime. Seems counterintuitive, I know, but a lot of the time fighting sleep stems from overtiredness (is that a word? IT IS NOW!) They're just generally grumpy and a fight about sleep is as good a fight as any.
3. Try an earlier and/or slightly shorter nap. We have no idea how long The Parasite would sleep on the weekends if left to her own devices. We wake her up at a set time because letting her go any later interferes with bedtime. Obviously the exact timing depends on your own household routine, but a little experimenting can go a long way. 
4. Institute a "Quiet Time" policy. Did you see this post about our recent experience visiting the fam? Put her in bed with some soft toys and books and let her fall asleep on her own terms. She might throw a fit of protest about this approach at first. I think it's OK to let her have herself a little pity party. Some people confuse this with the "cry it out" method. I think there's a pretty big difference between letting a four month old with no language capabilities cry unattended to "train" them to sleep on your schedule and riding out the fit of a pissed off two year old who doesn't want to go to bed.
5. Take up drinking as a competitive sport. That's not really an idea, I was just testing to see if you're still reading.

Remember that you need to give anything you try longer than "a few days" to work. If you try one thing one day and then another thing another day and something different the day after that you're not giving her the consistency that a toddler needs to feel secure. They're highly adaptable, yes, but they still thrive on knowing what happens next. Good luck!


This post is part of a weekly series, Ask the Host, that allows you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for completely honest answers. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.

Whooosh!

What was that sound? It was me throwing in the towel. Greetings from The Husband's home town. We're here visiting his parents and grandmother. Last summer we had great success leaving home at bed time, allowing The Parasite to fall asleep in the car and then transferring her to her travel crib when we arrived. This year... not so much.

For starters, we left later than expected. Then she fought sleep until about two hours past her bedtime, meaning she only got two hours in the car. We arrived at midnight and she was awake before we finished pulling into the driveway. Awake and cranky. Then she was awake and happy, which was worse. There is a house full of people who were probably none too pleased with the sound of a howling two year old. In our defence, we did the best we could. Putting her in her own bed, bringing her into our bed, up, down, all around - you name it, we tried it. In vain.

Then I thought of our dinnertime approach: she doesn't have to eat if she doesn't want to, but she does have to remain (relatively) quiet in her chair while everyone else does. So I flipped on the lamp, grabbed a bunch of her toys and books and put them in the crib, and told her that she didn't have to sleep if she didn't want to, but she did have to sit quietly in her bed while mommy and daddy slept. Sure, she was awake until 4am and our sleep was crappy because the light was on and there was a toddler playing (relatively) quietly in the room. And yes, when she did finally fall asleep it was on top of a pile of toys. But it was better than the NOTHING we were all going to get if we kept fighting to get her to sleep on our terms.

The lesson here? Even the littlest of people can march to the beat of their own drummer. Sometimes it's best to just let them go with it.

Wine makes this house a home

A few weeks ago I entered a contest to join the Yummy Mummy Wine Club. I didn't give it another thought because I'm one of those people who never wins anything, so you can imagine my surprise when I got an email from Susie the Prize Queen telling me I'm in. The prize is sponsored by the Canadian Craft Winemakers Association.

It's a pretty simple process. You go one day to select and start your wine and show up a few weeks later for bottling party. I went today to throw the yeast to start what I hope will be a super-tasty batch of Australian Shiraz. Mmmmm, Shiraz... Where was I? Oh yeah. Many thanks to the Yummy Mummy Club, Macedo Wines and Grape Juice in Toronto, and the Canadian Craft Winemakers Association! I can't wait to pour a glass, but alas I must. The bottling party will be in September and I'm very excited about meeting my fellow wine enthusiasts as part of the Yummy Mummy Wine Club.


Note: While I get free wine out of the deal, I'm writing this because I think it's cool. This is not a paid article.

Ask the Host Q2: Get back to work!

I have been back at work for two weeks and I'm pretty sure the care provider we picked for my son is excellent, but he still cries every day when I drop him off. It breaks my heart. He is so young (4 months) and I don't think I can afford to stay home but it is so hard to leave him every day when he's upset. People keep telling me it gets easier so when does it get easier?

Oh, mama. It's going to be hard no matter how old your baby is, and they will always be your baby. Whether you're dropping him off at daycare while you go to work or it's the first day of school, some day we all have to leave our kids sobbing in a puddle of their own tears. It hurts. Sweet Jesus, does it ever hurt. But the damage isn't permanent - for either of you.

"People" are right, it does get better. If I told you it would be perfect two weeks from Sunday would you believe me? Probably not, because how could I possible know exactly when it's going to get better, or even what "better" means to you? I bet if you really think about it, things are "better" than they were two weeks ago. You just have a hard time seeing the improvement because you're in the middle of it all. Two weeks from now it will be better than it is today. There will be days that are harder than others. I have been back at work for over a year and there are still days I wish I had just stayed the hell home to play with my kid. But I also enjoy the finer things in life, like food and clothing and shelter!

He's little and you're all he has ever known. Take it as a compliment that he prefers your company above all others. Have you called your care provider an hour after drop off to see how he's doing? Of course you have! He's fine, right? And the time from when you leave to when he settles down is getting a little bit shorter ever day, isn't it? If you don't know the answer to those questions, ask! If your care provider is really a good one, they'll take your interest in your child's day as a sign that you really care and will be willing to work with you to make the transition easier. Give yourself a break, you just had a baby a few months ago! Your life is very different now. When you get home, let dinner wait a while and just take some time to cuddle him and reconnect. Drop offs may be hard for a while, but they make pick ups that much sweeter.

There will be a day when you drop him off and he will barely give you a wave as he goes to play with his friends. Then you'll be upset all day because your kid doesn't love you anymore. Or maybe that's just me...

This post is part of a weekly series, Ask the Host, that allows you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for completely honest answers. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.

Ask the Host Q1: Feeding a toddler

Hi! I don't know if we have anything in common other than us both having toddlers. I'm having a hard time getting mine to eat anything. He seems to go a whole day on a cup of milk and some fish crackers. My husband gets so mad and starts yelling and then none of us enjoys dinner time. I don't want to start making two dinners but I don't know what else to do. Does the parasite eat well? Got any tips?

I promise not to turn this into a preachy thing because the last thing we need is someone else to say "UR DOIN IT WRONG" when it comes to parenting. Moms, AMIRITE or am I right? But from the time she started solid foods, it has been homemade all the way for The Parasite. Mostly it's because I'm cheap. It's like 89 cents each for the jarred shit here in the Great White North and I just couldn't bring myself to pay that much for a quarter of a sweet potato because they saved me the trouble of running it through the blender for a few seconds. Now she gets what we're eating and that's what she gets. The rule is that she doesn't have to like it, she doesn't have to eat it, but she does have to try it. A single bite will do.

I beg of you, do not start with the separate meals. There be dragons. I'm reminded of the time we had extended family over for dinner and the mom of one of my cousins (2nd? 3rd? Whatever!) asked if she could make her son a peanut butter sandwich because he didn't like his dinner. The kid was 10 or 12 - in other words, well beyond the age when he should have known to STFU and pick at what was in front of him until they got home.

Unless becoming a social pariah sounds sexy to you, I highly recommend you avoid paving the path to hell so early. I really liked Ellyn Satter's "How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much" for really practical advice on getting your kid to, well, eat. Her mantra gets repeated all over the internet because it just makes so much sense: It is your job to provide a variety of healthy foods for your child to eat, it is your child's job to decide what, if and how much to eat - if at all. I know it's hard to watch a kid pick at their food before turning up their nose in disgust but it has been a long time since the last time a little person starved themselves to death because they didn't like their dinner.

As for the yelling husband, WTF is he hoping to accomplish? Scaring the child into culinary acceptance? Put the kid to bed, crack open a beer for you (he can get his own) and suggest that he ask himself if he's good with setting up an indefinite battleground at the dinner table. Ask him to give you one month with no yelling about what your child eats, just a 30 day trial. Put what's for dinner on the table at the appropriate time and other than correcting outright nasty behaviour gently (We don't throw our food!) leave your child alone with their meal. If they don't eat a bite that's OK. Put the plate on the kitchen counter when everyone else is done. If he/she says "I'm hungry" an hour later, offer them back the dinner plate and NOTHING else.

Be consistent for 30 days and see what happens. It will break your heart if you put them to bed without dinner a couple of times, but they WILL make up for it at breakfast, lunch and snacks the next day! At this age they're not analytical enough to figure out "I didn't eat my dinner yesterday and therefore I got an extra few tablespoons of yogurt at breakfast today." Good luck! Let me know how it goes.


This post is part of a planned weekly series, Ask the Host, that allows you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for completely honest answers. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.

Facebook is educational...

Apparently Mark Zuckerberg wants your children on Facebook and someday he might pick a fight about it. If his claim was "It's your job to watch your kid and it's costing Facebook too much money to monitor and remove the profiles of kids under 13. We're going to issue a legal challenge so you can do your job and we can do ours", I *might* have considered that a principled stance. I wouldn't necessarily agree with it, but it would be more respectable than his stated position, which is that Facebook forms an integral part in shaping the hearts and minds of little children everywhere.

Ahhh, shuddup!

If Facebook is educational then Cheetos are nutritious. Zuckerberg claims to want to challenge the U.S. Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act because "My philosophy is that for education you need to start at a really, really young age." Uh-oh! The Parasite is two and does not have the cultural exposure to FarmVille a child of her age so richly deserves. Clearly I am stunting her intellectual growth.

You'll have to forgive me if I find someone looking for a loophole to market to children somewhat less than credible when he says his company would find a way to protect the little souls online. I'm pretty sure he sold his a long time ago.