What Does "Having it All" Really Mean, Anyway?

Simultaneous phone and laptop use? Check!
But my nails are not that nice.

I was having a conversation with another mom on the way home from school pick-up today. I mentioned something that we're doing next week, and that the tickets were offered to me because I'm hosting a giveaway on my hobby blog. Yes, this one. Yes, you should stay tuned for more details in the next week or so.

Anyway, I joked that I haven't been able to keep up with my "hobby" writing because I'm too busy with my paid writing. That's definitely something no entrepreneur is allowed to complain about. Especially not in their first few years in business!

But really, between getting the kids up and out the door to school and preschool, running home to do some work, picking up the kids, ferrying them to activities, getting them fed and into bed and then doing some more work, the notion of having a "hobby" has become somewhat laughable.

I know I'm incredibly fortunate, and that there is a sizeable chunk of the world that would love to have such a privileged problem as a lack of time to indulge in leisurely pursuits. I know it, I really do. And yet, here I am, updating the blog that chronicled my pregnancies and my early, fumbling days of parenting, for the first time in more than half a year.

I'm positive that it wouldn't have been any better if I had gone back to work full-time. All of the "stuff" that I can accomplish with multitasking, like throwing in a load of laundry while cooking lunch, or folding that laundry while helping M practice for her spelling test, would still be waiting for me when I got home from a traditional workplace.

Somehow, though, I think I'd feel less guilty about all the ways I'm not a Pinterest mom if I wasn't self-employed. I'd have a better excuse for ordering take-out when The Husband is out at a work function. I'd be less apologetic about the state of shambles my house is in, perpetually. Perhaps the best idea is to look back at my idealistic younger self and let her know that there's no point trying to be something you're not. Maybe "having it all" doesn't mean what I thought it did. Maybe it's about adjusting the definition to fit the new circumstances.

What do YOU think?

When Doing Nothing Does Something

A Reasonable Facsimile

It was a Professional Development Day at M's school yesterday. Usually this fills me with a sense of "OMFG, what are we going to do all day?" but yesterday, I tried something a little different. Wait, I should back up a bit. Our daily routine is predictably a pretty busy one, and it goes something like this:

• Get up, pack M's lunch for school, help get her dressed, feed and dress Z, and then finally feed and dress myself. 
• Morning programs for Mommy & Z.
• Home for lunch, put Z down for nap and do some work until he wakes up. 
• Go pick up M at school, go to her after school programs a couple of times a week.
• Make dinner, put the kids to bed, do some more work and head to bed. 
• Wash, rinse, repeat. 

Somewhere in there the laundry and dishes get done. And sometimes I even have an evening off to hang out with The Husband. Imagine that!

Yesterday, however, was a little different. With both kids underfoot and The Husband at work all day, the idea of getting stuff done around here was laughable. So I didn't bother trying. I cleared the decks and took the kids to an indoor play centre in the morning to let them run around and blow off steam. When we got back, Z went for a nap and M and I did each other's nails and then curled up on the couch and watched The Book of Life together. 

Taking that time to do nothing and reconnect reminded me why I had these kids. There's actually a name for what happens when you take a day to reconnect, it's called filling the attachment tank. Yes, I spend a lot of time with the kids, but a lot of it spent in the midst of doing something else. Once in a while, the damn laundry can wait. Let's face facts, it's not going anywhere. Ever. But someday these kids won't have any interest in lengthy cuddles on the couch.

Have you tried taking a break from all the "stuff" that needs to get done, just to spend some time doing nothing with your little people? Tell me how it went! 

Operation: Get in the Frame

She's alive! 18 months after welcoming our Little Cat Z to the world, the fog has lifted. A lot has changed, most notably my decision not to go back to full-time work after my maternity leave ended in June. I'm a bona fide work at home mom, squeezing in all the freelance writing and PR consulting I can during naps and after bedtime. M's after school programs are a breeze now that I'm able to make it to something that starts at 4:00. Z and I fill our days with trips to a neighbourhood play centre and running all the errands that filled our weekends when I worked outside the home. It's always busy, it's sometimes exhausting, and all this extra time with my kids makes every single sacrifice so worthwhile. 

Perhaps the biggest change has been my feelings about self-care. Turns out that I finally got the message: I can't be a good mother or a good wife if I don't put my own mask on first. Which brings me to the latest operation: STOP HIDING FROM THE CAMERA! If you've been around here for a while, you may remember Operation: Try Again and Operation: Momentum from way, way back in my pre-pregnancy days. I had every intention of getting back on the wagon shortly after Z was born. However, he is not a Unicorn Baby like his sister, who was sleeping through the night at six weeks old. Little Z took until he was nearly a year old to get with the program. There I was, damn near insane from an entire year of fragmented sleep, and feeling pretty icky all the time. Something had to change. 

Monster Dash 2014

Enter The 21 Day Fix* It really is as simple as it seems. Follow the meal plan, do one video every day (there's a modifier for those just starting out), and ta-da! I also further modified the exercises on my own to avoid activities that bug my bad knee or those that could worsen my diastasis recti. Now, I know what the cynics among you are thinking... Well, duh! If it involves eating less and moving more, ANYTHING will work. To that I say, well smart ass, why aren't you doing "anything" if it works so well? Oh, that's right! Because getting started is a lot easier with the structured approach of an actual plan. In the initial 21 days, I lost nine pounds and several inches, including 3.5" off my waist. 

That was in June. I have continued following the meal plan (more or less) and have gradually been increasing the intensity of the exercise. I joined the gym again and have been consistently going several times a week. I ran a 5K this fall, proving something to myself and setting an example for my daughter who ran the family race with me. I'm now down 27 pounds, my waist circumference and waist-hip ratio are *thisclose* to getting out of the danger zone, and I can get through the day without collapsing in exhaustion in the evening. I can back off on the efforts now, right?

HELL NO! 

Next up, Insanity Max 30* I'm no longer doing this because I want to get pregnant. I'm not doing this for my husband. I'm not even really doing it for my kids. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! I'm tired of avoiding the camera or not sharing family photos because I'm worried about the extra chins or the size of my belly. So, I can do something about my self-esteem and my body image, which would require a time machine, or I can do something about how woman in the frame looks to me any everyone else. Since I haven't been able to find any time machines, I'll have to keep going on the weight loss. Dammit. 

You, dear readers (all 6 of you who may still be around), get to come along on this journey too. To keep myself accountable I'm launching another mission. Operation: Get in the Frame commences on December 29th. You can expect semi-regular progress updates, and eventually I may feel like sharing some Before & After pictures. Stay tuned!

* Disclosure: I am not a BeachBody coach, I don't have plans to become one, and I am not being compensated for sharing my feedback. However, my friend Sandra is a BeachBody coach, and the links to the programs I have used with success are associated with her profile. If you place an order, she will earn the standard coach's commission. If you don't want to order anything, that's OK. You should like her Facebook page anyway, because she's lovely and she shares all kinds of motivational tips and anecdotes.