Monday, July 18, 2011

Playing tricks

It's funny how your mind can play tricks on you. When you're dealing with infertility, even once you've started the process of investigating what's wrong, you keep on trying. Everybody knows somebody who "gave up" and *POOF* the next month they were expecting. So you hold out that hope because you think maybe this time it'll be YOU that gets lucky in spite of the odds.

What was Einstein's definition of insanity? Oh, that's right: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." We have acknowledged there must be a problem and are in the process of figuring out what it may be, and yet still we try. And then the mind games begin: "I'm feeling a little queasy! I wonder if this is it?" "Is that the beginnings of breast tenderness?" "Wow am I tired. Pregnancy?" You wait the requisite 10 DPO (days past ovulation, for those who have not endured this particular joy) and pee on a stick and wait, impatiently, for five minutes to pass. It feels like an eternity. 

As though you're looking at tea leaves trying to divine some wisdom, you stare at that stick (covered in your own urine, but you try not to think of such things) and wonder "Is that a second line?" When the time is up and one measly, stinking line stares back the realization that yet again this is not your month washes over you. Hope springs eternal - you'll get 'em next month!