Saturday, January 21, 2012

The one where she talks about things that grate

I have a list of pet peeves as long as your arm. Every day, people do things that irritate me. It's usually not their fault they're completely clueless, but that doesn't make me any less grumpy. I'm limiting myself to a Top 8 here, so it's a good thing I've already covered off public transit annoyances in another post. I could not, in good conscience, bypass public transit on a bitch list. Alright, here we go:

  1. Clueless shopper #1. The person in front of me in the grocery line who stands there twiddling their thumbs while their groceries are rung up and then loads the packages into their cart before making a move to dig out their method of payment. Seriously? That you were going to have to pay for your shit is a surprise?
  2. Automatic flushing toilets. I can work around the annoyance in potty training, but I have yet to remember to bring my own pack of Post-Its to the bathroom. Who designed these things? Why do they soak my ass as I'm sitting down? Why won't they let me flush my own damn toilet? I have a hand at the end of each arm, and am fully down with the complicated technology of the flush lever.
  3. The weavewalker. The person who doesn't check their blindspot on foot. Going to abruptly change directions on a busy sidewalk? Give a peek over your shoulder to make sure you're not smashing into someone, k?
  4. Clueless shopper #2. Yes, that is a line. It is not a group of people who have stood one behind the other for lack of something better to do. Please join it, at the back. No, you can't just "ask something quickly," because I am standing in line to ask something quickly.
  5. The one who left the photocopier a mess. Who gets every error light on that thing lit up and then walks away? Why didn't they tell someone?? Was it you? Because I kind of want to smack someone for it, and you'll do. Better still, now that it's an all in one deal, I can't print, scan, fax or make a copy while the stupid thing is fucked up. And I am not at all pleased.
  6. Gum crackers. I inherited this one from my mother who also cannot abide the sound of someone chewing gum. Why on God's green earth would you chew gum with your mouth open? Do you chew your food with your mouth open too? Hearing it is 10 times worse than seeing it, and seeing it is pretty damn gross. Want to know the difference between your average teenager chewing their gum and a cow chewing its cud? The cow's eyes let you know the lights are on and somebody is home.
  7. The full dishwasher. The Husband is awesome, wonderful, I'm so lucky to have him. Blah, blah, blah. Love him, but if I go into the kitchen and find that he has loaded the dishwasher to a point where you couldn't add another dish with a fucking shoe horn... and then doesn't turn it on... I might have to file for divorce. I'm certain that's an irreconcilable difference.
  8. Spitters. No, not that kind. I mean people who spit on public streets. I once had a guy hork a loogie as I was passing by. Did I mention I was wearing sandals? Yeah, ew. Then the douche had the audacity to tell me it wasn't a big deal as I looked at him in horror. I assured him it was and wiped my foot on his pants. In front of his date, who had now joined him on the sidewalk. Hope he didn't stiff the waitress on the tip and talk about an ex because I'm pretty sure spitting on a passerby would be the third strike that sent him to relax with his thoughts at home. Alone.
What about you? What gets you the most stabby?

This post is written as part of GBE2 - Week #35 word prompt: Pet Peeves. For more info about GBE,  click here.  


Just Jane said...

HAHAHAHA! These are fantastic!

#1: Also, to the clueless shopper talking on your cell phone while in line (or parked in the middle of an aisle so that no one can get past you). Hang up. No really. Back away from your phone before I take it from you and smash it under my shoe.

#2: Can we also add those people who don't flush since they are why auto-flush toilets were invented?

Love! Love! Love these!

Jo said...

Great list. With you 100% on spitters, gross, yucky! Shoppers who just hang out, piss everyone off and have no clue, whatever. I think they should be fined.

Angie said...

I'm always getting annoyed at clueless shoppers every time I go to the store. But, please don't hate me if I interrupt your cashier to ask where the bathroom is, when I have to go, I HAVE TO GO! :)

grains of sand said...

Hilarious!! Loved this! May I add a sub part to the automatic toilet..... How about...the idiot that that used the last sheet of toilet paper at the office and can't replace the roll!!!


Mojo Writin said...

Love #8, more because I love the fact that you had the courage to call him on it. It's a disgusting habit, and I have long maintained it is the reason footballers over here spend so much time falling over... too much bloody spitting on the pitch!

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes, yes to the list. You can add clueless travelers who use the loo on landing and leave the door open. Right next to my jumpseat.

Brenda Stevens said...

what a neat orderly list! lol great job

Mrs. Tuna said...

How about the a-hole who leaves two tablespoons of coffee in the pot.

Small Town Mommy said...

My daughter was on an auto flushing toilet when she was potty training and it set her back 2 months. It flushed when she was sitting on it and she panicked.

Also you can figure out who jammed the copy machine by looking at the papers that got jammed inside.

I can't believe people actually spit on the streets (we live in the country, people don't usually spit here in public). That is truly disgusting.

Anonymous said...

Every time I read one of these posts, I realize that I hate that stuff, too. My mental list is now at 134,529 items and growing.

The Host said...

@Jane, we most certainly can! Glad to know I'm not the only one who has been tempted to smack a damn phone out of someone's hand.

@Jo, right? The grocery store is NOT a tourist destination.

@Angie, *sigh* OK, you can ask where the bathroom is. But you can't ask the clerk at the customer service desk about the return policy because that's why I'm standing there!

@grains, worse still... I live with that person. But he's a doll, really!

@Mojo, well he just spat on my foot. No way I could let that stand.

@GenePool, EW! I can't imagine ever, ever doing that. It's a shame the potty isn't equipped with an ejector seat that you control for just such occasions!

@Brenda, thanks! A lack of order would be #9.

@Ms. Tuna, almost as much as an asshole as the one who puts the empty milk container back in the fridge!

@STM, thankfully I had read the trick about a post-it over the sensor before we started potty learning!

@WordNerd, this list is just a selected few. I'm sure an exhaustive list would number in the millions!