You just made my list!

Inspired by a Twitter conversation the other day (with Biblomama, who you should visit when you're done here because she's hilarious), I am bringing formal structure to my shit list. After all, how can I wish a scorching case of herpes on everyone on said list if I can't remember who they all are? OK, maybe an incurable disease is a little too much for people who piss me off a little bit. How about an infestation of bed bugs?

Now, there is a long, long list of things that piss me off, so I'll have to limit it to just this week's shit list:

1. The ice cream truck driver parked in front of my daughter's daycare. At pick-up time, right before dinner. I SO enjoyed explaining why some kids could have ice cream from the truck and she couldn't. Without using the words "because I said so." Asshole. 
2. The person who invented toy microphones for children. Because you know what I think when I'm with a group of little kids? This needs to be LOUDER.
3. The woman who knocked me over shoving on to the subway. Lady, I have to get to work too. I was waiting to let the person WITH A WALKER off the train first. So check yourself and your sense of self-importance at the door, OK?
4. The postman doesn't even ring once. Dude, I was home and waiting for that delivery when you stuck the little "Sorry we missed you" sign on the door. I know it's tremendously inconvenient for you to actually have to *sigh* deliver packages to recipients instead of dropping them all off at the depot, but it's kind of what they pay you to do. It's called a doorbell. Use it.  

Phew! OK, I feel better now. Now I am going to stop watching this terrible movie (New Year's Eve) and go read terrible fiction (Deadlocked) in the comfort of my bed with a nice glass of red. Who made your list this week?

Beauty and the Beast

Ever been part of selecting the creative for an ad campaign? It's a laborious process where you go through literally hundreds of shots to pick the one that's just perfect. The one that embodies everything about your product/establishment/brand. Picture is worth a thousand words and all that. Which is why I am puzzled, nay, mystified, by the choice made here...

Let's ignore the fact that her nails match her drink, and they're both a kind of radioactive blue. That's nowhere close to the most horrifying thing going on here. That girl looks seriously "Where the hell are her friends?" drunk, and she's having way too good a time for the bar she's at (the one on the hotel we stayed at in Miami), because there was not a soul in that bar for the duration of our stay. But check out the guy she's with. Look at that leer! Is that not the creepiest look you have ever seen? It's saying a lot. Like "That's it... DRINK my precious... the precious will me MINE. All MINE." Is he contemplating a nibble at her earlobe, or her chilled brains in a cup?

I get the willies just looking at this picture. If this was the one that proved to be the best of the bunch, can you imagine what was rejected? Did he stick his tongue out, only to reveal he actually does have the lingua of a lizard?