Friday, August 5, 2011

Ask the Host Q3: When do you start to worry?

Hi! I've been reading about your trips to the fertility clinic and it got me thinking about when to start worrying. My partner and I aren't trying to have a baby now but when the time is right we would like it to happen pretty quickly. I have a child from a previous relationship. How did you know things weren't clicking? I thought once you have had a baby there would be nothing to worry about.

Yup. A lot of people, present company included, never thought getting pregnant the second time around would be a problem once a couple has successfully sprung their offspring on an unsuspecting world. Hahahaha, silly us. Turns out secondary infertility is quite common and often goes untreated because people don't think there could possibly be a problem and therefore don't seek help.

I am a dork and I tend to keep track of things obsessively thoroughly. I knew I was doing everything with timing. The Husband and I were getting freaky when we should have been every month. If you're over 35 "they" say you should start investigating if you have been trying for six months. I saw my doctor after nine months and then didn't get around to doing anything about the referral until it had been a year. I kind of hoped the problem would take care of itself, but no.

Every month that goes by when you're trying gets a little more frustrating. Watching for that little egg on your tracking calendar gets tired after a while. Remember the last time you had a horrible, awful day? Think about having a little smiley face on your monitor giving you a thumbs up when you'd rather have teeth pulled without anaesthetic. Am I painting you a pretty picture here?

You have no control over how long it will take once you decide it's go time. My advice to you would be to rule out problems before you get there. Are you using hormonal birth control? Stop at least three months before you're going to start trying. Hell, if it's on the horizon anyway, stop now. Get yourself familiar with a Basal Body Temperature thermometer and start tracking your cycles. You don't need to be as obsessive about it as I am, but it's good to be aware of situation normal. 

Above all else, try not to worry about it. Something like 80% of couples succeed in the first year of trying. That's some pretty good odds in your favour. Thinking about it too far out is likely to take all the fun out of it. Good luck!

This post is part of a weekly series, Ask the Host, that allows you to ask any question you want as long as you're prepared for completely honest answers. Got a question? Send me an email with "I have a question" in the subject line.