This was a long weekend. Usually that means at least one day of sleeping in and starting my morning with The Parasite in our bed for a cuddle before we all head downstairs for breakfast. But the fertility clinic is open every day for cycle monitoring and that means arriving at around 8:00 for blood work and an ultrasound. The internal kind. Best part? They don't want to do anything that could damage swimmers later in the day, so it's being screwed with no lube. Yeah, it's about as fun as it sounds.
When they find a tumour when you're pregnant, you have A LOT of ultrasounds. You learn more about their normal parameters than anybody should. I have had about 100 of them so when I share the following tidbit, you know it's from someone who has a good idea of how things should be: Saturday's sonographer was a sadist. There are points in an internal ultrasound that are... uncomfortable. This was not "discomfort", it was pain. When I told her she was hurting me she yelled at me and told me it was my fault because my bladder was full (it wasn't). This woman managed to be tortuous AND demeaning, and the experience left me driving home in tears feeling violated. Not cool.
I tried shaking it off. I told myself I should just forget about it because I might have to keep going to the clinic for months and who needs to make it any more unpleasant? For the next two days the sonographers were perfectly lovely. But that's just not right. What if it were an abuse survivor on the other end of that wand? I was upset, they would be completely traumatized. I have to file a formal complaint, there's just no way around it. But won't worry that today. I'll think about it tomorrow, because tomorrow is another day.
Suffice it to say Saturday's incident cast a shadow on my weekend. It has been more than a little stressful and I need to do something about the way I feel. The last time I took a day off for some time to myself things did not go as planned. After this diagnostic cycle is over some time this week, I have the joy of spending next weekend with my in-laws. They are lovely people but OMFG!, four days of anyone gets to be a bit much. Starting from a massively stressed point is not a good idea. I have booked an extra day off on Thursday so I can have a massage and work up to putting on a happy face. I can do it! I think...
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